Marriage Counselling

Marriage Counselling. Introduction

When we are in a healthy relationship, we feel supported, understood, loved, and safe. Healthy partnerships are incredibly fulfilling. We experience safety and security, love, understanding, appreciation, and support in these kinds of relationships.

The key to improved mental and physical health, happy parenting, productive work environments, and a fulfilling existence is strong partner relationships.

Most partnerships start quite positive and supportive of one another; however, dysfunction and dissatisfaction can develop into a marriage or relationship over time and even lead to divorce.

In this essay, you can learn more about the psychodynamics of couple relationships.

CHMC, German psychiatric clinic in Dubai offers marriage counselling and couples therapy.

Dr. John Gottman on Marriage  

The fact that neither spouse appreciates the other until it’s too late is among the saddest causes of marriage breakdown. Too frequently, a healthy marriage is not given the attention and respect it requires and deserves; instead, it is taken for granted. In what he dubbed his “love lab,” American psychologist Dr. John Gottman conducted a thorough investigation of married relationships using a reliable, scientific technique. He discovered the fundamentals that successful couples employ to create a happy, long-lasting union. According to Gottman, he has enough scientific evidence to watch a couple for five minutes and determine with 91% accuracy if they will have a divorce.

The Gottman Test

Regional, cultural, and religious distinctions are taken into consideration when evaluating 15 criteria across 4 pillars in the Gottman Method in Marriage Counselling and Gottman Marriage and Relationship Test.

We provide the Gottman Marriage Test, which provides you with a thorough Gottman Relationship Checkup along with personalized analysis, insights, and recommendations based on your answers.

The analysis and thorough report can also be helpful for beginning couples therapy, such as the Gottman Method Couples Therapy. Numerous insights are provided in the report to help you pinpoint important areas to address. You may then talk with our therapist about these findings.

Couple and Marital Relationship Dynamics

There are highs and lows in any relationship. It can be quite tumultuous, especially in the early phases. Your new companion has distinct hobbies and routines. It may require some time to comprehend and accept them.

When everything finally comes together and you both find it difficult to see your lives apart, you can choose to get engaged and get married. A wedding acts as a unique symbol of love in addition to bringing two individuals closer together. When two individuals choose to get married, they are indicating that they are prepared for greater responsibility and that they may look forward to a life together full of new experiences.

Characteristics of a Balanced Relationship

A harmonious and balanced pair connection consists of the following elements:

Patience

Nobody is flawless! We should keep this saying in mind, especially in marriage, as errors and small arguments will undoubtedly happen. If you or your partner exhibit impatience in these circumstances, it’s not a good sign. It seems immature to end a relationship abruptly after concluding that “next time I will find my ideal partner.” When you are patient with one another and show that you understand one another, things are different. Naturally, things won’t always work out this way. On the other hand, communication and compromise are essential to a happy marriage. No obstacle is too great if these two conditions are met.

Sincerity

It’s not always about looks when you fall in love with someone. It should be the character attributes that fascinate you, even though the physical appearance may play a part in the initial impression. It indicates that you can blindly trust each other if you are both honest with each other. This is a crucial component if you want your relationship to be fulfilling and continue for a long time. When one of you begins lying or harbouring secrets, things can rapidly flip around, and mistrust will become a regular occurrence.

Issues in Couples and Marriage

It’s critical to consider marriage to be a commitment. A commitment of this kind is not broken merely because problems occur. You promised to support one another through good times and bad when you said “I do.” This viewpoint may encourage you to work through the marital crisis together rather than giving up too soon.

Relationship Escalation, Crisis, and Divorce in Marriage and Couples

The typical response from married couples when asked why they got divorced is, “We just grew apart.” But life is a process of growth and learning. Because of this, it is entirely conceivable for a relationship that was once good to fall apart because one or both partners have changed.

Is a Divorce or Separation Caused by a Marital Crisis?

The merits of divorce in a given situation will, of course, vary depending on the circumstances. In situations where there has been a significant betrayal of trust or if the paths taken by the spouses have diverged greatly, divorce may be the only viable option. This does not, however, imply that a divorce attorney must be consulted for every marital difficulty. Conversely, if the issues are handled amicably between you, you two may even come out stronger as a result of them.

Positive changes might also be crucial in initiating a marriage crisis; negative changes are not always necessary. Take the birth of a child, for instance. You and your partner have to rediscover each other when all of a sudden nothing is the same as it was. Some pairs are unable to complete this task.

Warning Signs of Divorce

The fact that neither spouse appreciates the other until it’s too late is among the saddest causes of marriage breakdown. Too frequently, a healthy marriage is not given the attention and respect it requires and deserves; instead, it is taken for granted.

Dr. Gottman discovered six indicators that were present before a divorce. One can estimate the likelihood of divorce based on how couples dispute.

First symptom: A difficult start

Research indicates that if an argument starts badly, it’s likely going to end badly even if you try to be “nice.” Criticism, sarcasm, contempt, etc., are signs of a “rough start.”

Second symptom: “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse”

In a marriage, these four horses usually march into the center in the following order: stonewalling, defensiveness, contempt, and criticism.

The Initial Horseman: Disapproval

You will inevitably complain about your spouse. However, there is a big distinction between criticism and complaints. A complaint focuses on a particular instance in which your spouse acted improperly. Contrarily, criticism is more general and includes disparaging remarks regarding your partner’s personality or behaviour. A complaint is more focused on a specific activity, whereas criticism involves assigning blame and criticizing a person’s character. The issue with criticism is that it opens the door for other, more dangerous horsemen when it becomes habitual.

The Second Horseman: Contempt

Cynicism and sarcasm are signs of contempt. The same applies to eye-rolling, profanity, mocking, and rude, contemptuous humor. The deadliest of the four horsemen, however, is contempt, which inevitably corrodes a relationship by expressing distaste. When one partner feels rejected, problem-solving is practically impossible. Therefore, contempt always results in confrontation rather than a solution.

The Third Horseman: Defensive

While it makes sense to speak up for oneself, research indicates that doing so rarely has the desired effect. The partner in the attack makes no concessions or apologizes. This is so because being defensive means blaming your partner. It says, “You’re the one who’s having problems, not me.” Being defensive just makes things worse.

The Fourth Horseman: Stonewalling

One partner may shut down in partnerships where communication gets off to a rocky start and when criticism and disdain cause defensiveness, which breeds more defensiveness and greater disdain. This is the fourth horseman coming into view.

Imagine a husband who hides behind the newspaper after receiving a wall of criticism from his wife upon returning from work. She punishes him more the less he answers. He might eventually get up and leave the room. It’s easier to keep distance from his wife than interact with her.

Third Symptom: Flooding

A partner typically builds stonewalls to keep themselves safe from flooding. When a partner floods, their negativity escalates to a startling degree and happens suddenly. Frequent flooding is a sign of approaching separation.

Fourth Symptom: Body Language

A tense body can sweat, beat faster, and have an elevated heart rate, among other symptoms. An adrenaline spike like this impairs one’s ability to speak and hear.

There is a real difference between men and women: in 85% of marriages, the guy puts up resistance. A man’s blood pressure and heart rate will stay higher after an altercation than a woman’s. Men stress disagreements more than women do; therefore, they tend to avoid them. Men also tend to think about unpleasant things more than women do.

This results in a common conflict pattern: the woman raises sensitive subjects more frequently than the guy because she manages to stress better. The man makes an effort to stay out of the conversation. To keep the woman quiet, he will either defend himself, put up a fight, or act irrationally.

The Fifth Symptom: Failed Repair Attempts

Repair attempts are an attempt to defuse a tense situation during a challenging conversation. Repaired attempts that consistently fall short are a dead giveaway of an approaching separation. The complexity of a repair attempt has minimal bearing on whether it is successful. The marriage’s condition is very important.

The Sixth Symptom: Memories

When the past is seen unfavourably in a marriage, the likelihood of separation is great. Healthy couples typically focus on the positive and ignore the negative.

Typically, an affair is a sign of a failing marriage rather than its root. This marriage’s failure may have been anticipated for a long time.

Relationship Issues and Their Remedies

Here are a few instances of typical relationship issues along with solutions.

Jealousy in Couple’s Relationship

One common problem in relationships is jealousy. However, checking on your spouse undermines mutual trust. Mistrust can have many causes; it can occasionally stem from unpleasant memories from the past or early life.

Solution: Invest in Passion

Remain devoted to one another. One of the main causes of marital crises is infidelity. Although giving in to temptations is human, it suggests that there is a problem in your marriage. As a result, even in committed relationships, passion and sexuality should not be overlooked. Isn’t it about time for a little variation?

Misunderstandings in the Relationships of Couples

We spend most of our waking hours chatting to strangers or coworkers at work, which leaves little time for talking to our spouses. In addition, males tend not to favour long talks. That being said, relationships depend on communication. To foster intimacy, partners should talk about hopes and worries as well as day-to-day experiences. Nothing is too trivial or irrelevant. You never know, your partner might find more interest in what you had during lunch. It’s more important to talk than it is to discuss certain topics. The therapist would say that poor communication is the main cause of misconceptions.

Solution: Talk!

It takes time to become used to a new rhythm after a significant shift. It’s advisable to plan and consider how you want to handle any changes that may come your way. Create customs. For example, spend more time cooking together and talking about your days. Or before supper, go for a block stroll. Try to question your partner about their day, even if it’s challenging. React to what they say and pay attention to what they say to demonstrate that you are paying attention. They will feel listened to and reassured by your understanding of their situation. Being truly interested is ideal as it won’t come out as forced.

Partner Breaking Agreements

We can accomplish this, I swear! This casual comment raises the possibility of a serious relationship issue if commitments are broken or persistently put off. If you are not sure that you can fulfill your commitments to your spouse on time, don’t make promises to them. Recurring delays might damage your relationship’s trust.

Communicate

You never discuss how you’re feeling! It is more common for women to accuse their partners of this. However, this can spiral out of control: Your spouse retreats because they are unsure of what to say to you. They back off even more when you want more. The only way to end this vicious circle of discontent is to communicate.

Money Issues

Either money is a controversial topic, or it is avoided in relationships, and both are bad for love. Start by thinking about the question itself: Are your expectations for your finances really that different? Couples that share the same ideals tend to get together. Long-term, spendthrifts and frugal people rarely take the same route.

Solution: Avoid Bringing up Money During a Disagreement

Rather, arrange a time to talk about your home finances calmly. Tell your spouse straight out what you stand for, then hear what they have to say. Collaborate to find answers and show a willingness to make concessions. If you are unable to agree, think about keeping your finances separate rather than sharing an account. There’s no denying that money isn’t worth sacrificing love for.

Different Plans for the Future or None at All

Differing aspirations for the future are another frequent cause of marital crises. A crisis is almost certain to arise if your visions are too dissimilar. Thus, have regular conversations on future planning in all spheres of your life (job, family, home). Do your visions coincide? Talk to each other about your future ambitions.

No Quality Time Spent Together

There is friction because she wants to go kite surfing, and he wants to go to the movies. If you both manage to follow your interests in the end, then having diverse ideas about how to spend time together isn’t always a negative thing. With work, sports, get-togethers with friends, kids, and other obligations, a week quickly passes, leaving little time for your significant other. However, spending quality time together is the foundation of lasting happiness. All other aspects of your life will be negatively impacted if your relationship ends. It’s crucial to cherish your time together as a result. It’s also a requirement for emotional intimacy and effective communication.

How should you proceed?

Give each other room to indulge in your own interests. However, be clear about what you want from your spouse if you’re unhappy because they don’t share your hobbies. Give it time! Put a strong marker on it if needed on your shared calendar. Look for areas of shared interest and conversation. Take lengthy walks or go out to dinner together, for instance. Most importantly, make these little dates ritualistic and turn off all electronic devices.

Fighting Over Domestic Tasks

Homework-related topics like cleaning, laundry, and dishwashing are more likely to lead to everyday disagreements. It’s interesting to note that lack of appreciation is more common than harsh division. Therefore, your partner may not be expressing distaste for you when they moan about having to unload the dishwasher every time. All they ask is that you appreciate their work and don’t take it for granted.

How should one proceed?

Give thanks more frequently. This does not include giving a speech each time your significant other cleans the restroom. However, you may show your partner how much you value them by saying “thank you” for doing tasks like grocery shopping and ironing. It’s easy to use but quite powerful!

Deterioration of Close Relationships

Everything else is irrelevant when we’re first in love. However, as the partnership develops, the annoying expression “Sorry, no time! Appears more frequently. Our priorities change to fit our daily schedules, and spending quality time together falls off the list. Often, a lack of intimacy in the bedroom results from a relationship’s emotional connection eroding rather than from apathy. The need for intimate companionship dwindles as affection declines.

Solution

While a drop in emotional intimacy is normal during hectic times, you shouldn’t accept it long-term. Do something. The health of your partnership depends on functional sex. You don’t necessarily need self-help books or a sexual therapist to rekindle your sexual life. Have in-depth, meaningful talks to reestablish emotional connection. Give each other a hug and gentle touch. Make time for sex once intimacy has returned. Plan or reserve a hotel. After that, let events unfold organically.

How Do Marriage Counselling at CHMC in Dubai Operate?

You are already aware of the warning indicators of a potential marriage crisis. However, ideally, you won’t let it progress that far in the first place. Naturally, it’s nearly impossible to prevent every calamity. But you can still avoid marriage crises by addressing the most prevalent reasons for them. Should the “self-help” methods not work, seeking professional couple/marriage counselling is necessary.

Our CHMC clinic in Dubai offers marriage counselling and couple therapy that addresses a variety of relationship-related topics. A perceptive counsellor supports couples’ holistic viewpoint to help them understand each other and themselves better throughout couple therapy.

Our marital and couples’ therapists use a relationship dynamics approach to identify unhealthy behavioral patterns. Our mission is to help couples communicate better, clear up misunderstandings, and increase their happiness.

When working with couples, family and marital therapists evaluate a variety of aspects. In couples counselling, the sociocultural background, the influence of your upbringing and the relationship between your parents, gender and individual variations, and the difficulties of contemporary living are all pertinent topics.

A Secure Environment for Couples Therapy and Marriage Marriage Counselling at CHMC in Dubai

Our Dubai psychiatric clinic provides a secure environment for marriage counselling. Couples are encouraged to talk freely about their wants and feelings in the secure setting of their therapy sessions. Counselling assists in bringing hidden concerns to light and makes resolution easier. Past events and disappointments are dealt with, allowing this “extra baggage” to be set aside and stop interfering with the present. Positive progression in a couple’s relationship is achieved through open communication.

Happy and Sad Couples in Marital Relationships

You may tell if you and your partner are now in a happy or sad couple relationship by looking for key signs:

Unhappy Couple

• Communicate emotions negatively and feel more negative about themselves
• Their ratio of negativity to positivity is larger
• Possess more unfavourable opinions of their wives or other significant individuals.
• Express disapproval, defensiveness, contempt, and disengagement (stonewalling).
• Increased occurrences of “wife demanding and husband withdrawing.”
• Construct unfavourable narratives about your partners’ marriage and harbour unpleasant thoughts about them.
• Possess higher levels of physiological arousal than happy marriages (blood pressure, sweat, etc.)
  
  

Joyful Duo

• Face each other. Partners “turn” towards each other during their regular interactions, not “turn away.” It indicates that curiosity, agitation, and annoyance are expressed and addressed.
• In everyday talks and casual exchanges, partners console one another with attention, love, gratitude, understanding, humor, etc.
• Every partner is aware of his partner’s world and keeps this information up to date.
• Express gratitude and compassion. Spoken and unspoken affection and appreciation are exchanged between spouses.
• Tension dissolves when the apologies—verbal, comedic, gift, etc.—are accepted.
• Partners typically discuss difficult subjects with care. Both physiological arousal and emotional flooding are avoided by these good start-ups.
• Respectfully, the couples influence one another. By using assertive persuasion to reach a solution, the disagreement is solved.
• Demonstrate a favorable outcome. This indicates a great deal of affection, appreciation, humor, and curiosity.
  
  

What to anticipate from marriage counselling at CHMC in Dubai

Your therapist will provide guidance on enhancing both basic and advanced communication abilities. The distinctions between functioning and dysfunctional relationships and lifestyles are stressed during pair therapy and marriage counselling. A counsellor will also handle conflicting parenting difficulties and teach fundamental good parenting methods when a couple has children. Additionally, counsellors provide information on constructive conflict resolution methods and the fundamentals of solution-focused dialogue. A counsellor will highlight and support the four fundamental components of a good relationship, which are: * Communication * Respect * Honesty * Equality *

The abundance of research data available to couple therapy and marital counselling professionals nowadays allows them to identify recurring patterns in couples and marriages. Couples’ counsellors assist couples in recognizing unhealthy behavioral patterns so they can swap them out for healthy ones. The ultimate objective is to promote marital contentment and stability while emphasizing the need for constant care in partnerships.

Marriage Counselling. Summary

The fact that neither spouse appreciates the other until it’s too late is among the saddest causes of marriage breakdown. Too frequently, a healthy marriage is not given the attention and respect it requires and deserves; instead, it is taken for granted.

Even after many years of marriage, partners still want each other to be appreciated. In this situation, costly presents have little bearing on how someone is appreciated. Instead, it’s about supporting one another as fellow beings. Talk to each other and listen to each other. In daily interactions, be considerate of one another and refrain from betraying one another’s confidence.

It becomes very difficult to stop the relationship from escalating further once it reaches this point. But it’s crucial to keep in mind that a partnership needs to be fostered! Once you’re married, keep trying hard for each other. Show a sincere concern for one another’s needs and desires.